Fun Election Day Activities for Republicans1. Vote. Not motivated? If the fate of zillions of microscopic stem cells aren't enough for you, remember the Dems will tax the hell out of you.
2. Stay away from exit polls. The liberal bloggers are going to try to trick you with bad news. The GOP commands you to put your fingers in your ears (and have your prostitute put his gentle yet firm hands over your eyes) should liberal bloggers get their hands on exit poll data. And don't think think they aren't trying:
You are staffers, campaign workers, reporters, drug dealers, male hookers, bartenders and taxi drivers (who kill by night). You will see and hear the secret information, and you must send it to Wonkette. Send your info from a Yahoo or Gmail account. You don’t want to get killed!
3. Relax. Don't worry . The smartest man in the history of the world, Karl Rove, stole this one before it even started. Journalist Greg Palast:
While progressives panic over the viral spread of suspect computer black boxes, the Karl Rove-bots have been tunneling into the vote vaults through entirely different means... Two million legitimate voters will be turned away because of wrongly rejected or purged registrations. Add another one million voters challenged and turned away for “improper ID.” Then add yet another million for Democratic votes “spoiled” by busted black boxes and by bad ballots. And let’s not forget to include the one million “provisional” ballots which will never get counted. Based on the experience of 2004, we know that, overwhelmingly, minority voters are the ones shunted to these baloney ballots. And there’s one more group of votes that won’t be counted: absentee ballots challenged and discarded. Elections Assistance Agency data tell us a half million of these absentee votes will go down the drain.
4. Spin! Convert forecasts of a Republican defeat at the polls into Democratic loss. Adam Nagourney of The New York Times:
Some Democrats worry that those forecasts, accurate or not, may be setting the stage for a demoralizing election night, and one with lasting ramifications, sapping the party’s spirit and energy heading into the 2008 presidential election cycle.
5. Watch your party do its thing: Protectourvotes.org is a well-documented clearinghouse for reports of robo calls, intimidation, long lines, machine malfunctions, and other irregularities as they happen.
6. Go hunting. (And duck.)
Vice President Dick Cheney will be spending Election Day on his first hunting trip since he accidentally shot a companion last February. A spokeswoman says after working at the White House tomorrow morning, Cheney will head to South Dakota to spend several days at a private hunting lodge near Pierre.
7. Sleep. Not everyone stays up late on election night. Unbelievably, some people even find the most heroic political figures boring:
8. Smoke crack. Rush Limbaugh and Bush mouthpiece, Tony Snow, apparently did just that before going on the air yesterday. According to them, men and women (especially the white ones) will go to the polls in droves to keep Republicans in power. That's quite a coalition:
Limbaugh: I have been suspicious of polls for a long time in the sense that I believe news organizations use them to make news that reflects their editorial pages, and the same with the editorial opinion of broadcast network people, and like the Pew poll internals show massive shifts in 30 days of public opinion. One of the things that the Pew poll is that the Democrats have lost all white voters. They've lost women and they've lost –
Tony Snow : They lost men. They've lost women. Absolutely right, and I'm glad you pointed that out.
9. Fire up the shredders. Just in case Satan gets the upper hand and Rep. Nancy Pelosi becomes the Speaker of the House, it might be a good idea to get rid of some of the excess paper. Spotted a couple of weeks ago entering the Cheney compound at the Naval Observatory: a Mid-Atlantic Shredding Services truck.
