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In Monty Python’s classic Argument Clinic sketch, a man goes to see a “provider” (John Cleese), who argumentatively denies reality over and over again.
Is this the right room for an argument?
I’ve told you once.
No you haven’t.
Yes I have.
When?
Just now.
No you didn’t!
Yes I did!
You didn’t!
I did!
You didn't!
I’m telling you, I did!
You did not!
In the upside-down Trumpverse we find ourselves in, nothing is as it seems. Everybody lies. Nothing is knowable. It’s been the Argument Clinic for so long we’ve even forgotten that we’re getting what we paid for.
This Argument Clinic mindset has been lurking on the fringes for a long time in this country, but when Trump became the lead carnival barker for the whole Obama-wasn’t-born-in-the-United-States nonsense, it was one small step for a fool, one giant leap for contrarian foolishness.
Obama wasn’t born in the United States.
No, he was.
Where’s the birth certificate?
Here’s the birth certificate.
Clearly a fake.
Nope—it’s certified authentic by the Hawaii Secretary of State.
No, it’s not.
Even Trump caught on tape, explicitly stating that he regularly sexually assaults strangers, can later be dismissed by Trump as “not authentic.”
Most recently, one of Trump’s top aides in the White House—Rob Porter—resigned because of allegations that he abused two ex-wives and a longtime girlfriend. The women in his life have made it publicly known that he was both physically and emotional abusive. One wife even has a picture of herself with a black eye—a gift from Porter.
But Trump dismissed these charges as “mere allegation” and decried the idea that “lives are being shattered and destroyed” because of them. He said of Porter, “He says he’s innocent and I think you have to remember that.”
Trump has not expressed any sympathy for the women, but did tweet, “There is no recovery for someone falsely accused—life and career are gone. Is there no such thing any longer as Due Process?”
Trump might remind himself of his own history with “due process.” Remember when he called for the executions of five young black youths before their trial for allegedly raping and beating a Central Park jogger? Trump paid for a full page ad in The New York Times and helped stir up a mob mentality in New York City that led to their convictions. The youths turned out to be completely innocent, though, and were exonerated in 2002 after the real rapist confessed to the crime. Talk about lives being “shattered and destroyed.”
Trump might remind himself of his own history with “due process.” Remember when he called for the executions of five young black youths before their trial?
Or perhaps Trump is only giving Porter the same wide latitude that he gives himself. Remember that Trump’s first wife also accused him of brutally assaulting her. The same Trump ruined an unsuspecting woman’s night by pouring a bottle of red wine down her formal gown. And the same Trump is capable of such tantrums that he once tore loose a Mar-a-Lago water pump he didn’t like near the tennis courts, creating a geyser of water which soaked the grass courts, ruining a planned weekend of games.
Or maybe Trump is just going into default Argument Clinic mode, which he uses to defend himself and other white men with behavior problems.
In the midst of the Rob Porter foofarah, Trump’s daughter-in-law was the victim of the worst kind of threatening behavior imaginable: Some nut sent her an envelope of ominous-looking white powder. Fearing it might be anthrax, she rushed to the hospital.
Or did she? Do we really know what happened? We weren’t there. They’re saying it was just harmless corn starch—how do we know she didn’t get some out of the pantry and make the whole thing up?
As silly as that sounds, that’s the kind of endless Argument Clinic unreality Trump unleashes when he muddies the waters of our collective truth.
Like Porter’s accusers, we have no reason to suspect that Vanessa Trump isn’t telling the truth. We have no reason to not believe what law enforcement is telling us about the letter and where it came from, or the media reports that are giving us that information. Even if, as Donald Trump Jr. and other Republicans are alleging, this was done by a nut with leftwing leanings—it would still be the truth, even if an inconvenient one for progressives.
But, still, it happened. It’s not “mere allegation.”