The jig is up for the “most vulnerable.” It’s the end of the line. We’re out of gas.
At last! The strong and the healthy are back in charge! They’ll no longer meekly submit to the tyranny of our weakness.
I’m talking about all of those, myself included, who are considered to be most vulnerable to being infected with COVID-19 because we are over age sixty, have an underlying condition, and so forth. All those harsh crackdowns on the freedom of average citizens to move about and spend money were executed in order to protect us.
But that was three months ago. It’s summertime now, dammit, and enough is enough! Time’s up!
The official Screw the Most Vulnerable 2020 Tour is underway. Actually, it began weeks ago in some places, when state governors flung open their doors for business as usual.
But the official launch extravaganza occurred last Saturday in Tulsa, Oklahoma, when the squatter occupying the White House held another one of his signature creepy rallies. His flock converged from far and wide, like nihilistic dead heads, to proudly proclaim that they are no longer going to even pretend that they give the slightest flying crap about the most vulnerable.
At last! The strong and the healthy are back in charge! They’ll no longer meekly submit to the tyranny of our weakness. They’re going to exercise their liberty and if any of the most vulnerable get caught in the crossfire, well, that’s the price of freedom and free enterprise.
And unfortunately, I can’t find solace, as I often do in times of deep existential crisis, by saying to myself, “Well at least I’m not in Oklahoma.” Because it appears that the Screw the Most Vulnerable 2020 Tour has also made its way up here to the blue north. There’s no stopping it.
Here where I live in Chicago, Illinois, the governor and mayor didn’t just rip the lid off the quarantine pressure cooker. They strategically released puffs of steam by lifting the lockdown in phases that they say are scientifically driven.
Now we’re in the phase where restaurants can again directly serve customers if they are on outdoor patios and seated at least six feet apart. So now every restaurateur and his uncle has commandeered a patch of public sidewalk and set up a corral full of tables and chairs. And there the diners sit, crammed in and sipping their mimosas, back to back with total strangers. The only way they’re six feet apart is if the distance between them is measured using some weird Martian metric system.
But oh well. Playing the most vulnerable card doesn’t work anymore. So be sure to pick up your very own official Screw the Most Vulnerable 2020 Tour T-shirts while supplies last. All the cities and states on the tour circuit are listed on the back. Rest assured that the tour will be coming soon to your area, if it hasn’t already.