As we watch clips of same-sex couples declaring their love for one another, we should recognize there is nothing natural about the nuclear family. It is but a byproduct of the way the West developed it. It was advanced capitalism that paved the way for the nuclear family, placing the obligation as chief breadwinner on the shoulders of the husband.
Before this economic stage, extended families worked together on the same plots of land.
Black American history, for one, is replete with examples of extended care networks that served to raise children instead of relying on one mother to tend to her own offspring. And even in the nostalgic Donna Reed days, not everyone could conform to the imposed roles of the nuclear family.
Many black women, for instance, were doing a lot to raise the 1950s sitcom family, and back then the maid's marital status wasn't a measure of the disintegration of American society, as welfare policy would now have us believe.
Marriage itself is an evolving institution, something that women, in particular, should be grateful for.
Few women alive today would have preferred to be Aristotle's wife over being a courtesan in the French royal court. In fact, perhaps quite a few women might consider the life a courtesan period, since the current status of wife is nowhere near as high as it should be.
But we need to recognize that our very notions of family and marriage and wife develop over time. They are not natural or inherent.
Nevertheless, the rightwing -- and now our government -- has been trying to dictate specific forms of marriage.
In 1996, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which defined marriage as a contract between a man and a woman. Many conservatives want to enshrine that in an amendment to the Constitution.
And the Bush administration, following up on President Clinton's welfare law, wants to prod poor people down the aisle. But nuclear, heterosexual marriage is not the only way to raise children.
The best way does not conform to these narrow categories.
The best way is with unconditional love for the long haul.
For instance, a same-sex couple, together over the length of their kid's childhood, can make for a much better home than a nuclear family where the father is abusive or a foster care situation where there is neglect.
The fight against gay marriage depends on a static, idealized and distorted view of the institution. But life in America was never a grainy black and white sitcom, and the sooner we recognize that, the better.
Shatema Threadcraft is a doctoral candidate in philosophy at Villanova University, where she also directs the school's minority retention program. This column was produced for the Progressive Media Project, which is run by The Progressive magazine, and distributed by the Tribune News Service.