So there’s this big philosophical battle going on among our nation’s most prominent conservatives. They’re fighting over how to define the heart and soul of the Republican Party. This is all very fascinating to me because I never knew the Republican Party had a heart or soul. When did that happen? Did I miss something?
Apparently, this feud went from a simmer to a furious boil after the Squatter who currently occupies the White House “won” the election. On one side you have his most fervent supporters and him. On the other side are the more “compassionate” conservatives who aim to preserve the party’s traditional values. Thus, they frequently speak out against the meanness and cruelty in which the Squatter’s policies are rooted, but vote for them anyway.
The Squatter’s more civilized opponents are also quick to express their deep dismay over the racist, sexist, and homophobic tone of the his rhetoric. Such blatant bigotry, they proclaim, will ultimately spell doom for the party. That’s why they long for a return to the days when Republicans expressed racism, sexism, and homophobia in a much more subtle and coded manner.
The warring factions are also at odds over economic policies that have caused great harm to hard-working Americans. Both sides make it clear that they love and respect blue collar Jane and Joe more than life itself. They are the unsung heroes that make America the greatest country in the universe. But the Squatter blames faux conservatives for supporting international trade deals that have done nothing but create millions of $1-an-hour jobs in China. He vows to rework those deals and radically improve the business climate in America so as to bring all those $1-an-hour jobs back home.
The more traditional Republicans who oppose the Squatter proclaim to be devout Christians. The Squatter’s supporters, on the other hand, well, they claim to be the same. So I guess there’s not much dispute there. In order to be a member of this club, all must agree that the Christian God of the West is their Supreme Moral Authority. The same is true of the Ku Klux Klan.
Another thing they agree on is guns. They all believe there is nothing more sacred, precious, and in need of government protection than guns. And fetuses.
Nevertheless, the Squatter is fighting back against Republicans who oppose him by supporting candidates to run against them—candidates who stand up for downtrodden working-class Americans and are bankrolled by billionaire hedge-fund managers. But the Squatter’s opponents aren’t backing down. They, too, are supporting candidates who stand up for downtrodden working-class Americans and are bankrolled by billionaire hedge-fund managers.
Let us pause to ponder what is at stake here. If the Squatter’s opponents win, the Republican Party of the future will be merely a hostile band of weakling shills for the ultrarich. If the Squatter and his friends win, it’ll be pretty much the same.