Somebody, Please Holda Telethon!
The combined wealth of the world’s 500 richest people declined by about a half-trillion last year, to $4.7 trillion. “Overall,” reported Bloomberg, “the 173 U.S. billionaires on the list . . . lost 5.9 percent from their fortunes to leave them with $1.9 trillion.”
Onward, ChristianSoldiers
Matt Shea, a Republican state legislator in Washington, distributed a memo urging the creation of a “Holy Army” to kill “all males” who refuse to heed Biblical law. The four-page document was titled “Biblical Basis for War.” Shea denied that he was promoting violence.
I Said, “No Refunds!”
A Wisconsin company that sells novelty glassware with embedded bullets gave each of its sixteen full-time employees a handgun for Christmas. “For us, now, we have an entire armed staff,” said Ben Wolfgram, owner of BenShot. “I think that’s pretty good.”
Brett Gets Another Lucky Break. How ’Bout a Beer?
A panel of federal judges has dismissed all eighty-three allegations of ethics violations against newly installed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh over his confirmation testimony and behavior. The panel ruled that while the charges were serious, they had no authority to investigate or discipline Supreme Court justices.
Overreact Much?
The “no-compromise gun lobby” Wisconsin Gun Owners Inc. has declared that Trump’s move to ban bump stock devices, which turn semiautomatic weapons into rapid-fire mass-murder enablers, “paved the way toward total confiscation of all firearms in America by issuing an executive fiat to ban bumpstocks. Just like that, with the stroke of a pen, your gun rights were crushed.”
Flooding the Swamp
Under President Trump, the number of antitrust cases filed by the U.S. Justice Department has fallen to its lowest level since 1972, back when Richard Nixon was President. There has also been a sharp decline in penalties imposed on banks and big companies that break the law.
The Price of Power
Icelandic President Guðni Jóhannesson admits he “went a step too far” when he threatened to ban pineapple as a topping on pizza. “The influence of this office sort of, yeah, got the better of me.”