We all know that the squatter currently occupying the White House is hell bent on undoing everything done by his predecessor. So you know as well as I do what that means: It’s only a matter of time before the bison is no longer the official mammal of the United States.
Yep, just like states have their official state birds, vegetables, insects, nuts, etcetera, we have a few national symbols, too. The national flower is the rose. The national tree is the oak.
The bison became the first official national mammal when President Barack Obama signed the National Bison Legacy Act into law in 2016. So, to the squatter and his clan, that makes bison evil beyond all possibility of redemption. And the squatter’s propaganda ministry will have to soon get busy laying the groundwork for the great bison purge.
I’m sure opposition research teams are fast and furiously compiling lists of filthy bison habits with which to vilify the beast. I’m sure they can find several disturbing National Geographic videos of bison brazenly copulating in public. Those would make for some pretty embarrassing television attack ads.
We all know that Trump is hell bent on undoing everything done by his predecessor. So it’s only a matter of time before the bison is no longer the official mammal of the United States.
But the squatter better think this one through because there’s bound to be pushback, just like there was when he endeavored to get rid of his predecessor’s signature health care law. If he learned anything at all from that debacle, it ought to be that the American people don’t take too kindly to willy nilly legislative repealing. If you’re going to throw something out of the window, you first must have something better in mind to replace it.
I’m sure the squatter stands ready to confidently propose that the bison be dethroned as our national mammal in favor of the most amazing, super stupendous mammal that ever walked the face of the Earth. And no, I’m not talking about the GOP elephant. This incredible mammal to which I am referring is the squatter himself.
Why not? The squatter is a mammal, more or less. And there’s nothing in the Constitution that says you can’t be President and official national mammal at the same time. And the best part about it for the squatter is, the official national mammal can’t be impeached. So it’s free to collude with Russia as much as it wants, though of course it would never do anything like that.
This will also give the squatter a new crusade with which to invigorate his devout base on the upcoming campaign trail. I can picture them at his rallies, gleefully hanging bison in effigy.
But, like I said, getting himself declared the official national mammal won’t be an easy task for the squatter. The opposition will stop at nothing to keep him from succeeding. The squatter will have to stand firm until he gets his way. He may even have to shut down the government.