Position Available: Head Liar

April 20, 2006

Here's the job description for Scott McClellan's vacated post.

Job Description:

Must be able to lie with a straight face on a daily basis.

Must be able to lie with indignation. (See Ari Fleischer.)

Must be able to answer a question by not answering a question. (See Scott McClellan.)

Must be willing to defend your boss’s lawlessness. (See Ron Ziegler.)

Must be able to assert with the utmost confidence that even though 50 U.S. soldiers are dying every month in Iraq that we are making good progress over there. (See McClellan.)

Must be willing to accuse your boss’s critics of being unpatriotic (See all of the above).

Education Required:

At least a BA in BS.

Experience Required:

At least 20 years of working in the vineyards of the Republican Party.

Comfortable with the outer reaches of the rightwing.

At least 10 years of flacking (private or public sectors).

Prior service to the Bush family recommended.

References: Three required, from elected officials or former elected officials who can vouch for your lack of veracity.

Available: Immediately.