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There’s a lot of old people out there. That sounds ageist, but statistically it’s true. The share of people aged sixty-five and older in the United States is almost 18 percent, up from 10 percent in 1974. Turn on C-SPAN, and the Congressional chamber reflects our dominant cohort of cotton tops.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the cotton tops! In fact, I’ve got two very prominent ones in my life (my parents) whom I love deeply. And what I want most for them is to have FUN.
I’ve been struck by the nature of fun when it comes to older people. What does it entail? How do they get it? Why isn’t it more readily obvious?
The woes of elder isolation have been talked about, and many ideas get at possible solutions. Some involve robots, like a pilot program in New York State that pairs the ElliQ robot with elderly people for conversation and reminders. Early data shows a 95 percent reduction in loneliness, which is promising. A service in Ireland offers transport to community hubs for elderly people in rural areas. Elsewhere in Europe, some supermarkets offer slow lanes where cashiers chat with the elderly.
These all sound incredibly useful. But do they sound fun? If you know anyone who is eighty or above, their main complaint is that all their friends keep dying. What older people need is younger friends . . . to have fun with. They need to be around other generations who aren’t going to die on them.
I recently read about a Belgian organization that was taking octogenarians and nonagenarians to nightclubs. That’s right, gram and gramps were going to the clurb. What’s more, it’s not like the club was closed just for them. Oh no, these were normally operating clubs filled with twentysomethings, playing bass-heavy hits that happened to also welcome groups of elderly booty shakers. And the twentysomethings ended up dancing with the ninetysomethings! Now THIS seems fun.
The intergenerational hang is the most natural answer to the problem of elder isolation, and yet it’s so hard to achieve. I didn’t quite notice when I moved to New York City how separate my twenty-three-year-old life was from anyone over sixty-five. To me the city was a playground for taut young bodies trying to get some. To be honest, I had a blast. But why wasn’t any part of my day more integrated with some kind of regular interaction with the elderly?
Once I had my own kid, I started to crave more connection with older people, in part because I wanted their wisdom in parenting, and because my daughter seemed to relish in their attention—and they always seemed interested in her. Slowly, I built a stable of elders in my life who have become some of my favorite people.
Some policy initiatives are attempting to introduce more intergenerational mixing into our lives. The Little Brothers program here in the United States—part of a global organization founded in France—matches youngsters to the elderly for “friendship and celebration of life.” The New York State Office for the Aging is developing an intergenerational games initiative to create spaces where older and younger players connect over board games. These kinds of programs are a step in the right direction because their aim isn’t to treat older people like items on a to-do list where the end goal is for them to take their meds. These programs are about developing real relationships and, again, having fun!
As I look at my own parents, aunts, and uncles, I keep thinking that I’ve got to continue making younger friends. When it’s my time to go, I want to have people left to come to my funeral! Not to make this about a head count, but nevertheless, when it’s my time I want the audience at my service to reflect a person who had healthy intergenerational hangs. Someone who could turn to their twenty-seven-year-old buddy to explain all the celebrity gossip and the latest AI thingy. I also want the audience to be dressed in ball gowns and three-piece suits, but check back for the party details after I shuffle off this mortal coil.
In the meantime, I want to support programs that create lasting bonds between granny and the cool kids, because she’s been through a lot, and now she deserves to shake her booty on the dance floor, surrounded by hotties that make her feel young.