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Don't judge parent's competency based on sexual orientation

Don't judge parent's competency based on sexual orientation
By Abigail Garner

March 19, 2002

Two American mothers in the recent media spotlight stand in stark contrast to each other. One of them, Rosie O'Donnell, is a child advocate. The other, Andrea Yates, is a child murderer.

This month O'Donnell, the mother of three adopted children, publicly declared that she is a lesbian. As a de facto spokesperson for gay and lesbian parents, O'Donnell is faced with a task millions of gay and lesbian families have tried to perform before her. She is expected to defend herself as a good parent in a society that assumes homosexuality is a detriment to child rearing.

Based on nothing but her sexual orientation, this successful mother of three is not legally allowed to adopt a child in her residential state of Florida -- nor would she be able to adopt in Utah or Mississippi.

But when a jury found Andrea Yates guilty of killing her five children in their Texas home, not once has her visibility sparked a debate about the competency of parents who are heterosexual. Instead, it has incited compassionate discussions about postpartum depression and mental illness.

Yet if the same unspeakable act were committed by a mother who were a lesbian, the case could easily be cited by anti-gay groups to help build their argument for restricting gay-parent rights.

Not every gay person is guaranteed to be a good parent, but neither is every straight person. An individual's competency to be a parent should not be based on his or her sexual orientation. It should be based on the ability to provide children with a safe and loving home. I should know: My father is gay.

O'Donnell also has the ability to be a wonderful parent, as do millions of other gay and lesbian Americans who dream of raising children.

Abigail Garner is founder of Families Like Mine (www.familieslikemine.com), a Web site about people who have parents who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.

   
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