March 19, 2002

Two American mothers in the recent media spotlight stand in stark contrast to each other. One of them, Rosie O'Donnell, is a child advocate. The other, Andrea Yates, is a child murderer.

This month O'Donnell, the mother of three adopted children, publicly declared that she is a lesbian. As a de facto spokesperson for gay and lesbian parents, O'Donnell is faced with a task millions of gay and lesbian families have tried to perform before her. She is expected to defend herself as a good parent in a society that assumes homosexuality is a detriment to child rearing.

Based on nothing but her sexual orientation, this successful mother of three is not legally allowed to adopt a child in her residential state of Florida -- nor would she be able to adopt in Utah or Mississippi.

But when a jury found Andrea Yates guilty of killing her five children in their Texas home, not once has her visibility sparked a debate about the competency of parents who are heterosexual. Instead, it has incited compassionate discussions about postpartum depression and mental illness.

Yet if the same unspeakable act were committed by a mother who were a lesbian, the case could easily be cited by anti-gay groups to help build their argument for restricting gay-parent rights.

Not every gay person is guaranteed to be a good parent, but neither is every straight person. An individual's competency to be a parent should not be based on his or her sexual orientation. It should be based on the ability to provide children with a safe and loving home. I should know: My father is gay.

O'Donnell also has the ability to be a wonderful parent, as do millions of other gay and lesbian Americans who dream of raising children.

Abigail Garner is founder of Families Like Mine (www.familieslikemine.com), a Web site about people who have parents who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. She can be reached at pmproj@progressive.org.