Maybe this Trump era, however long it lasts, won’t be such a bad deal after all. I’m starting to feel optimistic.
And it’s not just because all these weaselly republicans are being hounded and harassed at town hall gatherings, although that is a big part of it. When Congressman Jason Chaffetz of Utah faced a raucous town hall confrontation, he was so flustered he said it was a “paid attempt to bully and intimidate” by outside agitators.
I can only hope that what Chaffetz says about paid protesters is true. Because if it is, I really want to find out where I can sign up! I mean, getting in the face of someone like Chaffetz in public and watching him sweat and squirm is very rewarding in itself. But dare I fantasize that I could actually be paid to do that, too? Talk about a dream job!
And so now I feel that, thanks to Trump, I may soon be living on Easy Street. This never could have happened without him.
On the other hand, if what Chaffetz says is true, it makes me feel like a big time chump. For many years now, I’ve joined with other disability activists in angrily confronting many public officials. And I’ve done it for free! I’ve even paid fines sometimes.
But I refuse to wallow in bitterness over the past. It’s time for me to stop being a victim and to cash in on this new lucrative opportunity. I can see myself now, living the life of a freelance protest mercenary. First, I’ll hire an agent. Since I have a lot of protest experience and a long civil disobedience rap sheet, my contract will stipulate that I stay at the Ritz. I will also require first-class airfare, a hefty per diem and unlimited access to the mini bar. In return, I’ll wave whatever signs and memorize whatever chants are handed to me as the anonymous puppet master pulls my strings. That sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me!
Plus, I have added value as a protester because I use a wheelchair—it makes me extra photogenic. It’s embarrassing enough for someone like Chaffetz to be resoundingly scolded on camera by an ordinary citizen. But to be resoundingly scolded by someone in a wheelchair is doubly embarrassing. It’s their worst nightmare. So I can demand top dollar!
So can someone please tell me where to send my resume? I guess I should probably send it to George Soros. He’s got to be the one behind all this.
I’m confident that if given the opportunity, I would raise some real hell as a professional protester. But I’d be careful not to raise too much hell because then the protest might be successful and the Trump era would come to an end. And that would derail my gravy train.