In a fit of inspiration on his way to giving a speech at the Florida Democratic Convention last October, Rep. Alan Grayson scribbled down some notes on a legal pad and chuckled at the result.
While he read the notes during the speech, it didn't garner particularly large coverage in the media, so not very many people ever got to hear what he said.
However, The Progressive has exclusively obtained a copy of what he wrote down.
The notes come courtesy of our reporter Kirk Nielsen, who was recently hanging out with Grayson for a feature story in the magazine. (Which, by the way, only costs $10 for a year of the digital edition, and you get a calendar for free.)
Anyway, it turns out that Grayson created an alternate schedule for the Republican National Convention, and it's every bit as irreverent as you might expect from the progressive firebrand.
This is the first time the faux two-day schedule has been published in its entirety, as far as we know.
7 AM: Pledge of Allegiance to Fox News
7:30 AM: Blessing of the Republican Party and Curse on Satanic Democrats, Rev. Ted Haggard
8 AM: Raising of the Confederate Flag
8:30 AM: Breakout Sessions:
Ballroom A: Bigots | Ballroom B: Paranoids | Ballroom C: Gullible
NOON: Rick Scott: "I Bought My Job, and Turned a Profit"
1 PM: Dick Cheney: "The Greater of Two Evils"
1:30 PM: Glenn Beck: "Crazy? Crazy Like A Fox. And Nuttier Than A Fruitcake"
2 PM: Sean Hannity: "Lying for Fun and Profit"
2:30 PM: Rush Limbaugh: "How Prescription Drug Addiction Improved My Life"
3PM: Meeting of the Gun Worshipers
3:30 PM: Preview of the remake of "The Manchurian Candidate" -- starring Ted Cruz as the Manitoba Candidate
4 PM: Silent Auction of Davy Crockett's Flintlock -- used only to kill rabbits and Native Americans
4:30 PM: Video Tribute to VP Dan Quayle, "The Brains of the Operation"
5 PM: Keynote Speech by Sarah Palin, "Whatever Is Written on My Palm"
6 PM: Dinner: Freedom Fries, etc.
7 PM: Prayer Vigil for the Victims of Affordable Care
7:30 PM: Movie Night: "Lies, Damned Lies, and Campaign Advertising," Karl Rove
8 PM: Ritual Burning of the Bill of Rights
9 AM: Colloquium: "How Gay Marriage Ruined My Straight Marriage," by No One
10 AM: Product Demonstration: Mandatory Chastity Belt
11 AM: Seminar: "The Dangers of Education"
Photo: Flickr user Cliff, creative commons licensed.
Altered from an original version.